WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
