New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
