and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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