yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
