Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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