I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
