I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I've blown a few things in my day
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
