I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
