So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
