Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
