New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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