Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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