took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
