it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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