i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
