my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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