I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
