I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
