You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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