4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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