She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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