Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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