Im at strip club and am horny
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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