Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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