Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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