I just saw a hot homeless man
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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