remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
