After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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