dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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