So drunk its hurt
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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