last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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