You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
