Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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