i just google imaged poop.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
