think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
