Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
