shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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