I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize
