people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
