no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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