omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
