He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
