you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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