is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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