After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
