I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
