Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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