2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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