why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
