there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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