Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
