3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
